Where do I begin?
I'll start with the music. For those of you blog readers that enjoyed the music I am so
sorry that the playlist does not work anymore. I'm working on that and going to reset it to play when the page loads up. It "felt" better to me. I like my Ostrich photo but it's too cold.
It's snowing out. Yes, I
dislike that but not much I can do. The wind is howling away as well. Today is not the day for it. It's April for crying out loud! But who am I to argue with Mother Nature.
I have yet to be at a funeral when the weather is not lousy. Every funeral I have been at in my lifetime involves winds, rain or very cold temperatures. Yes that is everyday weather on the prairies but
some sunshine would help the soul of those that are hurting over the loss of a loved one.
My Mom checked out her gravesite before she passed. All she
cared about was that the sunshine hit it for most of the day. Sun....the warmth..... it is so important for our soul.
So today I will share in the grief of my Uncles, Aunts, Dad, cousins and Grandma. My Aunt passed away after a brief battle with lung cancer. Today I mourn my Aunt but I also think of my Mom.
It's not just about the cancer. It's a horrible disease. I know people say it but I am here to tell you that watching someone die from it is
horrendous. The pain they face. The pain on a physical and emotional level is something no one can understand unless they are in it. While you, healthy sit there and watch them die. I can't find the words to express it right now but know it's awful.
So today I think of my Uncle and cousins that will bury their Mother today. I feel like I'm walking down a path I
never wanted to travel again. But I must. I could not find the courage to visit my Aunt in the hospital. This woman that took me to my softball and ringette games. Drove us to swimming in the early morning hours. Had an open door policy that we could just walk in their house, a short bike ride away. Sliced sausage and cheese stuck together with toothpicks. Movies and sleep overs in their living room on the shag rug. So many memories of her
giving....she gave me a sense of comfort when she had no idea she did.
She will be missed by her husband, children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and Mother.
And while I think of all them and my heart aches for their pain, I end up mourning my Mom at the same time. Sometimes I wonder when the tears are falling
who I am actually mourning for. Then I feel selfish for realizing it's Mom I am thinking of. Somewhere in there the grief gets all
mixed up. I know the rip in the heart that they will feel today when they walk away from that gravesite. I know because I felt it.
So today everyone will gather to celebrate a woman who gave and never asked in return. You all have no idea how much she gave. Her time was
not her own.
Knowing there will be no more pain is the only thing that helps you move on. Knowing they are not thrashing around in that hospital bed their mind somewhere between Here and There. Knowing they are at peace. That helps the ones that loved her
realize it's time to keep living, it's time for a new normal. It's not easy but it is time.
