Quotable Monday's - Celebrate You

To dream of the person you would like to be

 is to waste the person you are.

-Anonymous

If You Were Outside of Wal Mart

Did you see it?

Did you see that woman skipping along pushing her cart in the frigid cold weather outside Wal Mart?

You must have seen her?  She had the BIGGEST grin on her face.

It was me!!!!!!!!!!

And do you know why I was so dang happy...........
I finally bought what I yearned for............

Yes I am hugging it.

Her name is Lily and she and I are going to become FAST friends.

Head on over to Cricut.com to see what you can do with this fantastic machine.

Working on Intention

I started the new year with the desire to change in a different way then losing weight or stop my nightly soda drinking habit.  I wanted to live life more intentionally.  With the days speeding by so fast I feel like I make promises to others and myself and I never have time to fulfill them.  In these early days of 2011 I will admit I have yet to put this to a daily practical use BUT I will say it is an ever present thought.

I woke this morning feeling the humdrum of life.  It's winter break which means the children do not have school and it is very cold outside with wind chill warnings.  I grabbed my coffee sat down at the computer and read blogs, facebook and twitter all the while thinking of how much time I can waste while sitting here.

I want to scrapbook, journal, update baby books, take my children on adventures, plan games and activities and here I sit.  I usually give myself a half hour to an hour in the morning to enjoy my coffee while it's quiet and calm in the house.  The children are just starting to wake so the loud chaos has not arrived yet....but it will be here soon.

Then I realized I can still give myself that half hour or hour on the computer with my coffee and the quiet.

But...why not fill my brain up with more than social networking.

Why not read blogs that encourage, speak Truth, and help me start the day with great perspective?

Why not give myself permission to start my day the way I need to instead of feeling guilty for taking time for me.

I always feel like I never give enough to my family yet I know in practical terms I give MORE than enough.  This is where the living with intention will make that difference.  I may be here in physical self but I want to be here, really be here, my brain and all.

Balance..... it's about me and them.  I am part of the picture.  I am an individual that needs refreshing just like the dependents I care for.  For so long I just looked at us all as one big unit but I am slowly starting to see the individual parts.

Tonight I get to do something I have never done before.  It's not anything huge but to me it is an activity that gives me great joy and lets me leave a legacy for my children.  I am scrapbooking at a friend's house.  I have NEVER done this.  I usually sit alone in my office with my tea, music and candle.  Tonight I am giving myself permission to not feel guilty Daddy has to put all the children to bed by himself after a long day at work.  Tonight I will enjoy this time and come home refreshed and encouraged.

We all need to escape once in a while.  Give yourself permission to do so.

Wordless Wednesday - It's Tough To Be The Princess

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5 Minutes For Mom.

The Sleep Demons

I do not usually remember dreams and if I do dream I have no idea that I actually am doing it.

Last night was a different story.

I blame my friend Dixie for this.....

A little history is needed first.

I was a GREAT sleeper in my teen years and post-highschool-let's-party-till-the-sun-goes-down-Oh-did-I-have-to-work-today years.  Then I got married and everything changed.  I began to develop a waking habit...a 4:00 a.m. waking habit.  I truly did not mind getting up early, it was a new thing for me but I was beginning to like it.

Then I finally got pregnant after five years of trying to conceive and developed worse sleep habits.  I mean I NEEDED a peanut butter sandwich, handful of baby carrots and a big glass of orange juice every night at 2:00 a.m..

While pregnant my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Terminal cancer.  Let's just say everything in my world was messed up and of course my sleep was sporadic.

My Mother passed away, and I welcomed sleep but it never happened.  It got to the point I was dazed and confused alot.  I was having alot of nightmares as well, about my Mom wasting away to nothing, screaming for us to help her.

I had my beautiful baby at the end of that awful year and I thought for sure sleep would come.

I was wrong.

I would wake up, feed the baby every two hours and many times be unable to fall back asleep even though I was so physically exhausted.

This made for a very cranky personality.

Over the years, and three other children since, I have moments I can sleep good but most of the time I grasp for a good 3-4 hours of no waking up.  Usually I wake every hour.

It is not fun.

When I have had a full four hours I feel like  NEW woman.  I have so much energy it's ridiculous.

But last night I woke for different reasons and here is where I blame Dixie.

I woke because of a dream...a nasty one.

The dream would have ended different if my rifle would have been handy but let's just say that a wild animal got the best of someone I love and my children witnessed it.  I don't blame Dixie for the nasty dream just the fact that I read her post about her wild dream recently and am thinking she triggered my brain to remember a dream.  I love you Dixie and I'm tired and delirious so do not take this to heart. I'm just lashing out!

I have been sitting on the sofa since then trying to fall asleep by watching design shows and the news.

So here I sit with one child awake and a full day ahead of me.  I'm used to the groggy feeling but really sick of the waking habit.  I did buy some sleep aids a while back but am slightly scared to use them.

Thanks for reading my pity party this morning.   I am off to ingest another 6 or so cups of coffee to perk me up before all the little people terrorize the house, and of course stomp on my fragile mental stability.

Quotable Monday's

Not all of us have to possess earthshaking talent.

Just common sense and love will do.

-Myrtle Auvil

In My Spare Time

I have been puttering around with the blog and I am surprised where I went with the creepy ostrich and all but hey I like it and it's a big change.

Since I have had free time to play with blog design {sarcasm intended},  I figured why not start painting a bedroom for our oldest son. We are moving him into his own room. We had to relocate the office but it works and I think it will bring good changes to the harmony of the house.  Bad changes for our credit card but good changes in the mood of our house.  Okay maybe with the exception of the mood of the owners of the above credit card!

Our moody 8 year old is not the sole reason why we are doing all this work {and spending money}. Our daughter has some severe sleep issues and right now she is rooming with her baby brother. She is constantly waking him up with her nightmares and night talking. He is tired, very tired, and cranky {and so is his mother but that is another post :).}

Our oldest son is tired too. His younger brother is not great at falling asleep. He is an excellent sleeper but can sometimes take up to an hour to settle down. Our oldest is tired from school and hockey and he wants to goto sleep. Most of the time he can't because Yappy Doodle down below {they share bunkbeds} is non stop chatter.

So...

...the 8 year old gets his own room. Camo, hunting, and a target to shoot with his nerf gun while laying on his bed {Mommy thought of that!}.  Daddy even got on the creative band wagon and purchased a camo blind to be made into a set of drapes.

I am not a huge fan of painting.  I can dream up what I want to see but really have no desire to actually do the work.  BUT....this camo was fun to do and quick, once I figured out the pattern.  I have the brown left to paint and then it is time to move the furniture back in.

Very excited and so is the room's occupant.

Stay tuned for more pics.

A New Find

My friend Geli posted a link on Facebook to a great blog post "How Much Did YOUR Kid Cost?".  From there I found "Single Dad Laughing".

I am now a big fan.

I visit everyday either for a dose of reality or for some laughs.

He has me hooked on the song in this video and his blog now of course.



Here is the blog post to the video explaining why he and his friend went to dance with the homeless people on Christmas Day.

Wordless Wednesday - Winter on the Canadian Prairie

Linking up with

5 Minutes For Mom



Quotable Monday's - Love Is In The Air

Love is something eternal,

the aspect may change,

but not the essence.

-Vincent Van Gogh

Party Hearty

I went downstairs to my new scrapbook/creative arts room and made a quick card for a birthday gift my son will be giving to his friend later today.

OH HOW I MISS doing this type of craft.

Life is so busy but I am realizing I need to start making time for ME.

I promise myself here and now to start making time for myself and the things I love {other than my family} as soon as this **bedroom switcheroo we are in the middle of is finished.

Someone hold me to it!

** bedroom switcheroo is giving our 8 year old his own room which is now the office.  Where does all the office stuff go?  Still trying to figure that out.  The 5 year old and 2 year old boys will now share a room and the 5 year old girl will get her own room!  Busy busy busy.  Pictures to follow.

The Deep Dark Pit

It is strange I am writing about the "deep dark pit" when I am not actually in it.  Depression has been on my mind lately {pun intended}.

Our Mom's group had a member, Jyl speak of her experiences with Post Partum Depression with a nice mixture of anxiety and OCD thrown in there for laughs.....sarcasm intended here too.  You can read about her story on her blog.

When I first heard Jyl's story I just took it in and honestly thought she was amazing to be digging in and dealing with all that was going on.  I never once thought she was a basketcase and I was going to run far far away.  My heart ached for her tears and the pain she felt she was putting everyone else through.  It is painful when you love someone and your heart aches for what they are going through, but not the pain she was  worried about.

And here lies a problem or should I say my problem...I tend to forget sometimes that the world does not view things the same way as I do.  She spoke of the fear of being judged.  How could anyone understand what was happening to her?  Here is me again with my "reality" of  the people that were in that room of the morning she let it all out.....maybe they did not totally understand what she went through is still going through but they wanted to help share her pain.

"We were created to need each other."- "Coming Out Of The Dark" by Mary Southerland

With Jyl's courage she just helped a whole whack of people because she was willing to face that spotlight for 30 minutes.

Maybe I did not want to run from her because I have experience in one way or another with scary parts of the human brain.  I need a t-shirt "I love crazy people." but then once again the world may not share my humour either!

Here is how I see it.  Who labels "normal" anyway?  I tend to love people who are passionate about life.  Usually the people that are passionate and show those feelings out there for everyone to see can also be those people that crash and burn.  Hence they are not considered normal.  My sister once said "Either I'm crazy or I'm normal and everybody else is crazy."...so what is normal?  Is normal the woman that can do it all? Or is normal the one that will get burned out eventually from trying to be normal by said standards?

Most passionate people LOVE and give alot. You may not see it but in our brains we give give give to others.  We worry enough so you don't have too!  We have so much LOVE.  Yes I say we because I think I fall into some category of "offset".

But I am totally okay with that now. It was not always this easy to not to care what others thought of me.
Recently I received an email titled "Coming Out Of The Dark" by Mary Southerland.  She begins with...

"Depression is not an overnight phenomenon.  I can honestly say that I don't know a single person who has climbed out of bed in the morning and said "Hmmmm...I think I will jump into the pit of depression today."  Deliverance from that pit is usually not an overnight process either.  It takes time and patience."

Time and patience. 

Time means we need to wait.  Ever hear the phrase "Time heals all wounds" and it does if you let it.  Time can restore peace and ease the pain.

Time means waiting.

"Waiting is not passive.  Waiting is meant to be a time of preparation, a time of rest and healing.  Waiting means to accept the pit."- "Coming Out Of The Dark" by Mary Southerland

"I will give you hidden treasures of darkness,

riches stored in secret places,

 so that you may know that I am the LORD,

the God of Israel,

who summons you by name."

 -Isaiah 45:3

"To wait means to admit there is a problem"-  "Coming Out Of The Dark" by Mary Southerland

"He gives power to those who are tired and worn out;

he offers strength to the weak."

-Isaiah 40:29

If you believe in God, if you really truly believe He made you without any mistake, in my case chin hairs and all....

....you must believe that depression is or can be a "normal" and that people who experience anything that causes them to be "offset" is not to be judged or something to flee from.

It is to be embraced. 

Embraced by those that were in the deep dark pit and got out.  You are now after this experience one more person of understanding on this earth.  You are now one more God has equipped with the ability to share an experience that may not be everyone's idea of normal.

"We will all face some kind of pit.  It may be a pit that we have dug with our own hands of wrong choices or it could be a pit that has been uniquely designed for us by the enemy.  But a pit is a pit - a place of paralyzing fear and numbing doubt that is constantly fed by our human frailty and desperate attempts to escape the darkness" -"Coming Out Of The Dark" by Mary Southerland

Been there?  I bet most of you that read this can say yes.  It may not be depression but it is something that you know is not YOUR normal.

As Mary states..."the purpose of the pit is to purify and restore."

You know I am a Christian but I have people in my life that have restored themselves in a different way...it may not be my way, or God's way  but it helped them come back to their normal.

I pray that people start to realize that my normal is not their normal.  I pray that we start to realize that people goto the pit often and more than we know.  I think of Casting Crown's Stained Glass Masquerade.....pause the music at the top of the blog and take a listen.

"But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay "

-Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns

Wordless Wednesday - Peace

Linking up with 5 Minutes For Mom.

Scaredy Cat

Was scared out of my wits today by this......

I was cleaning this room out and was coming back upstairs for more stuff that was under this table.  I did not notice him sitting there when I bent down to grab the safe and file accordion, then he moved.....

...you should have seen me jump!

Quotable Monday's

Real life isn't always going to be perfect

or go our way,

but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives

can help us not only to survive

but surmount our difficulties.

-Sara Ban Breathnach

Mish Mash #1

I'm in a blogging slump. 

I am also in a exercise slump.

I can't seem to get back to either of these activities that brought me joy.

Fatigue and illness through the month of January has played a huge role in the slump.

Yesterday I had "time" to blog but found myself immersing my time in the children.  One has nasty ear infections and being little all he wants is cuddles.  The twins are just being the twins.  Hyper and fighting each other for their Mother's attention.

So I gave them my attention ALL day.  We colored, enjoyed sticker/activity books, played Go Fish, then watched a movie together and then took them all skating on our rink until I had to go into the city to pickup my oldest from school and take the littlest to the doctor. Dad stayed home with the other two kids.

I do not feel guitly for giving my children the day.  The amount of debris littering my floors shows I have been lazy with housework but it's not sending my mind into stress orbit which is where my mind usually goes.

I loved yesterday and I hope I can keep up the downtime and enjoy these moments with each of them.  You don't really understand until you have more children than adults living in the house about the time factor.  I have from 8 years old to 2 years old which means spending time with them is finding acitvities that everyone can enjoy together.  All these people also means lots of dirt, grime and messes.  Let's not forget about the laundry!  It really is hard for me to have downtime.  When I do get some quiet I want the time to myself, read a book, enjoy coffee etc.,  so to give the whole day to the kids was enlightening. 

The house stayed standing and everyone's okay even if the kitchen floor is really icky right now.  It was a lesson learned for me but it still won't be easy just to chill all day...parts of the day I do but all day was a new thing for me.

I do get a little jealous of those that have just one or two children.  How easy it is for them to pickup and go.  They may not think it's easy but my husband and I joke when we only have half the clan, how easy it is to get them in the truck or take them to a store and the energy is different.  My children have more energy then they know what to do with.

While I'm letting it all out....

.....I tire from people asking us where we are vacationing this year?  It seems like it's the norm to just jet off to sunny hot destinations with our without your children.  Again, a little jealous, but you can't have everything, or so we like to live by.  We have a boat, camper and plans to build a sleep shack at our little place at the lake.  Sunny hot destinations for a family of six can run you many thousands of dollars.  We choose not to leave our children behind because let's face it...there is four of them and they take alot of work.  I am not ready to saddle anyone with that responsibility while my butt sinks in the hot white sand of some resort.  I can't do it, the guilt would ruin the vacation.

That being said, on the +30 days at the lake my boat, the open lake and my kids having a BLAST is just as exciting as the ocean can be.  We also get two months of this "vacation" not just a week so the way I see it you get your money's worth.

I guess I am feeling a little discouraged and tired of "fighting" the world and it's ways.  We push ourselves and our children and I do not understand it.  Yes, my children drive me crazy at home but I would not change that.  When they goto bed at night my sanity returns for a short while and things seem to balance once again and I recharge to do it all again tomorrow.

Now that was a therapy session! 

I thought I started out this post with "I am in a blogging slump".

Wordless Wednesday - Sister Love

Linking up with 5 Minutes for Mom.