I do not have that yearning for anything and I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Don't get me wrong I do have jobs I would like to do someday but nothing stands out for me.
The only time I ever felt such a desire for something was when we were trying to conceive a child. It took five years and I really do not want to relive those years or the person I was. I'm not proud of how I reacted to my years of dealing with infertility and looking back I wish I knew what I know now.
I however cannot go back so I pick out how my character grew out of those difficult years for us and go with it.
I am at a point in my life where I should start making choices of what kind of job I am going to look for when my youngest is in school. I know what I want for hours but the choice of job narrows quickly when you put a time frame on how much you want to work.
There are two possibilities of a job choice and one of them needs me to start preparing soon in regards to taking classes for a few years to further my education. The other avenue requires minimal upgrade in education and would give me the same hours, possibly less but still be an enjoyable job to be in...or so I think.
But in all of this thinking in the back of my mind I still have yet to find that burning desire to "BE SOMETHING". I truly believe I AM SOMETHING...I am a Mother to four children, a wife to a busy Law Enforcement Officer and it is hard work!
So inside I know I am where I should be and outside I know that the world wants me to be more...yet I want to fight that.
Today we are asked to push ourselves beyond what is possible in the human body. I refuse to follow suit right now and I am very lucky I don't have to. I know there will be alot more time in the future with all four in school but I still want to be here or there with them at 3 p.m when that bell rings.
Does that sound wrong? It used to be the norm in my day. Yet I know I should contribute to the family income and I have NO problem with that......I just can't seem to find a burning desire for any specific career.
So my choice at the moment is take a job that's flexible and decent pay to help out. Until I have that direction in career choice maybe I should just be satisfied with the fact that at least I have that choice. I am blessed I am able to stay home, I am blessed with four crazy wild children that have more energy than a zoo full of monkeys, I am blessed with a supportive husband who works hard for all of us, so what's my problem?
I really dislike fighting the "world" about what is normal.
And because I am strange this is what is going through my head the whole time writing this post....
**smiles**
Have a GREAT Tuesday!!!
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