The Sleep Demons

I do not usually remember dreams and if I do dream I have no idea that I actually am doing it.

Last night was a different story.

I blame my friend Dixie for this.....

A little history is needed first.

I was a GREAT sleeper in my teen years and post-highschool-let's-party-till-the-sun-goes-down-Oh-did-I-have-to-work-today years.  Then I got married and everything changed.  I began to develop a waking habit...a 4:00 a.m. waking habit.  I truly did not mind getting up early, it was a new thing for me but I was beginning to like it.

Then I finally got pregnant after five years of trying to conceive and developed worse sleep habits.  I mean I NEEDED a peanut butter sandwich, handful of baby carrots and a big glass of orange juice every night at 2:00 a.m..

While pregnant my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Terminal cancer.  Let's just say everything in my world was messed up and of course my sleep was sporadic.

My Mother passed away, and I welcomed sleep but it never happened.  It got to the point I was dazed and confused alot.  I was having alot of nightmares as well, about my Mom wasting away to nothing, screaming for us to help her.

I had my beautiful baby at the end of that awful year and I thought for sure sleep would come.

I was wrong.

I would wake up, feed the baby every two hours and many times be unable to fall back asleep even though I was so physically exhausted.

This made for a very cranky personality.

Over the years, and three other children since, I have moments I can sleep good but most of the time I grasp for a good 3-4 hours of no waking up.  Usually I wake every hour.

It is not fun.

When I have had a full four hours I feel like  NEW woman.  I have so much energy it's ridiculous.

But last night I woke for different reasons and here is where I blame Dixie.

I woke because of a dream...a nasty one.

The dream would have ended different if my rifle would have been handy but let's just say that a wild animal got the best of someone I love and my children witnessed it.  I don't blame Dixie for the nasty dream just the fact that I read her post about her wild dream recently and am thinking she triggered my brain to remember a dream.  I love you Dixie and I'm tired and delirious so do not take this to heart. I'm just lashing out!

I have been sitting on the sofa since then trying to fall asleep by watching design shows and the news.

So here I sit with one child awake and a full day ahead of me.  I'm used to the groggy feeling but really sick of the waking habit.  I did buy some sleep aids a while back but am slightly scared to use them.

Thanks for reading my pity party this morning.   I am off to ingest another 6 or so cups of coffee to perk me up before all the little people terrorize the house, and of course stomp on my fragile mental stability.