Ever have that feeling that you ticked someone off and they scoot around you, avoidance, fake smile, fake hello?
I struggle with this
alot. I question what I did wrong to this person. I wonder if their attitude towards me is even about me. I go back and forth if I should be angry at them too, then I realize how ridiculous that is since I have no idea what their problem is in the first place.
Usually the end result is
me thinking it's
me. Make sense? Probably not.
I bug them, drive them loony.
I'm loud, talk alot, have a bad habit of cutting into conversations. My social etiquette sucks at times.
But in the end I know that I am supposed to be kind
"anyway". Do it because it is what is right.
Kindness is key. Even if I do not get the same treatment back I need to learn how to put on my REAL smile and return their rudeness or avoidance with kindness. Is it too much to expect the same when I make that social faux pas? If only I was so confident in my own self. Confident in who I was created to be. I still feel like the caterpillar eating, eating, eating, not even close to the cocoon yet. Rarely do I think I am the butterfly. It feels terrific to be free of your own restraints. Confident in who you
really are. Not scared to show the world why God created you.
Instead I tiptoe around. Trying to silence the loud person I am. Trying to change who I was created to be. It's frustrating and much more work.
But I am
still the caterpillar.
I guess that is why I felt the need to voice my feelings in this post. Yes, I'm not a calm conversationist but the person I offend may not be the kindest with words. Should I hold that against them? No!! I should see the good or great and let go of the rest.
Easier
said than done.
I'll get over my moment I'm having. I know it's thrown in there just to make me grow and learn. I also know that I am not placed here to please other's all the time. I want to. I do not like when I feel I have hurt and/or offended someone. I wish people were more open with each other and we just all laid it out there and we all knew how to forgive and move on...HA...what a world it would be!
Growth, it's what life is all about. Too bad I feel like I'm
shrinking instead.